This past weekend was my birthday, so my husband took the kids. He cooked and cleaned and for one entire day, I laid in bed and watched movies.
This was the first time in the entirety of our marriage that I was able to relax. Not because he never did stuff like this. On the contrary, he’s tried his hardest to get me to stop helping over the years.
No, I could never relax because of the guilt. The guilt of not being able to do everything myself. The guilt of needing a break or letting the house get messy.
We have come a long way in gender equality but we still consider it a woman’s job to help. We still think we are lucky if we have a husband who helps around the house or with the kids.
Why should we feel lucky? It’s his house too. They’re his kids too. Staying at home with kids is not easy. Sometimes you don’t have time to clean the house or finish the laundry.
I understand that going to work outside of the home every day is hard too. I’m not saying that the man should have to come home from a long day and wait on the woman hand and foot. I’m just saying that they should be partners.
My husband works very hard at his job, but just like at home, some days are harder than others. If I know that he’s having a rough day, I’ll put extra effort into trying to make it so he can come home and relax.
And ya know what? He does the same thing. If our son has kept me up all night with feedings or our daughter is throwing temper tantrums all day, he tells me not to worry about doing a bunch of chores and that he will tackle it when he gets home.
Most of the time we split it because with a 3 month old with separation anxiety, sometimes that’s the only way anything gets done.
He’s my partner. We both give 50%. Some days one of us will give 75% while the other relaxes, but it’s never one sided for long.
I have finally learned that it’s okay to let him help. I shouldn’t feel guilty. I don’t need to do everything by myself.
Im no supermom