Angels and demons

So, we had it really easy with our daughter. The pregnancy was a breeze. The labor was slow but painless(thank you epidural) for the first 20 hours. Then they broke my water and we were holding Charlie in our arms within a half an hour. My husband always loved telling the story because both sets of parents(Charlie’s grandparents) had been at the hospital waiting for hours and they had just left to go to dinner right after the doctor broke my water. They had sat down at the restaurant and just ordered drinks when my husband called them to come back. He was always so proud to have a wife that “took the pain so well”. I was patient and nice and while pushing I was telling the doctors how good of a job they were doing and encouraging them. “Come on guys, we can do this!” “Let’s have a baby y’all” “you guys are doing amazing!”

Then when our daughter was born, she started sleeping around 6 hours in a row at night by a month old.

She was a little behind on sitting, crawling, and walking. She was wayyy behind on talking. That’s how we figured out she was autistic. But she was quiet and polite and loved playing on her own. She transitioned from a bassinet to a crib and then from a crib to a big girl bed with absolutely no issues. She’s a bit quirky and loves talking to herself in bed, but all in all, she is an amazingly easy child to raise. I even ended up only gaining 10 pounds(I’m a bigger girl) so after she was born, I actually ended up losing weight.

Everyone kept saying how lucky we were. It annoyed the poo outta me, because I thought they were assuming that things were soooo easy and as a first time mom, they still felt very hard.

I think you can see where this is going….

Our son…… welllllll, he is a different story. Now keep in mind that he’s only 12 weeks old, so I have no idea what kind of personality he’s going to have yet, but I can only assume it’s the personality of the devil himself. I had horrible pregnancy symptoms. I’m talking nausea constantly, heartburn all 9 months, symphasis pubic dysfunction, and all of the mood swings that the stereotypical pregnant woman has.

The labor was my worse case scenario. I got the epidural but for some reason it wasn’t working. The doctors didn’t believe me so they just kept upping the dose. I still had full feeling in my legs and felt every contraction, but since they assumed I was faking it or something, they wouldn’t let me get out of bed or move around. It was terrible. At around 7cm I started passing out from pain and needed to have a c-section. My poor husband was terrified at all of the screaming and I was using a few choice words that I rarely ever use. Boy oh boy did I have a colorful vocabulary.

Anyways, Jax was born and healthy and all was well. We thought the worst was over. Lemme tell you it wasn’t. I’m sure the worst is STILL not over. This kid woke up every hour on the hour to eat for the first 2 months. He had such bad gas that he was constantly fussy. He refused to burp after feedings even after 30+ minutes of on and off burping in all the positions I could find. Nothing helped. We tried everything you can imagine to help with gas and get him to sleep. I read probably 100+ articles, forums, books, etc. and we tried it all. From gripe water, to putting him on his belly to sleep(I know back is best but we were desperate. He’s back on his back now).

Now he’s up to 3-4 hours in one block at night and finally seems to have his days and nights figured out, But, he won’t let us put him down. I set him down to go clean or play with Charlie and Jax starts screaming! He gets so worked up that he starts coughing and gagging. It’s terrible. By the time my husband gets back from work, I have no energy left to do much of anything. He picks up the slack where he can, but he’s too busy giving me a break from Jax.

Our house is constantly a mess, we have piles of laundry that take forever to get folded, we never get a moment to ourselves. We are tired and frustrated and one of us is always on the edge of a breakdown.

The only break I get is when Charlie has class with her autism specialist Monday-Friday from 9-1. So then at least it’s just Jackson and I and I don’t have to feel guilty about not being able to give my daughter the attention she deserves.

It absolutely astounds me how different two kids can be. From day one he’s been trouble and she’s been an angel. I’m sure as they get older, they will change a ton and both will be a little of each depending on the day, but right now I’m just exhausted.

Ok. Rant over.

Later y’all.

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